A Hellsing Hollween
by Di-Gi Nyo
Summary: HA! I fooled you! This is the REAL ending! It’s not over until the fat lady sings! And yes, I’m singing!
1. The hell begins

A/N Here I go again, with the crappy stories, Anyway, not much to say but this is why you never remind Integral it's Halloween I don't own Hellsing, but I want too! Must. steal.. The deeds Gonzo .locked away.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Hellsing Halloween  
Being a creature of the undead was, in Alucard's case anyway, boring when there wasn't any thing to kill. So our favorite Lord of the Undead was floating around the Hellsing manor. Again. Much to Integral's disliking. Not to mention she was already pissed off. First off, she was on back-order for her favorite cigars, and now she had to deal with a lazy vampire. Integral's day had just gone from bad to worst.  
  
"Alucard, get out of that wall NOW!" Integral screamed. "But I'm bored, master," Alucard replied, "I mean, we haven't had anything to do since July, and now it's October 31st ." he said. At the mention of "October 31st" Integral screamed again. This time it grabbed the attention of Hellsing's other vampire, Seras Victoria. "What's going on." she asked. "Victoria, good you're here. I need you to go into town, and get as many bags of candy as you can possibly can carry, now!" Integral said in rapped fire. "W-Why?" Seras asked, getting a little scared of how fast Integral was speaking. "Because it's god dammed Halloween! Now go!" "Yes, Sir!" Seras said and ran off to find the sugary sweets.  
  
"And you!" Integral yelled, turning her attention back to Alucard. "Get bowls, and lots of them!" All Alucard did was look at her and said "Why should I?" "Because," Integral started, on the verge of throwing random objects at him, "you wore the one who said 'I'm bored' if you remember correctly" Alucard only sighed. She was right. He was bored as hell. So, he started toured the kitchen. "Oh, and Alucard, you've got candy duty." Said Integral. "What's that?" Alucard asked. "You've got the pleasure of handing out the candy to the little bast- I-I mean children" Integral answered. "Oh. ok." Alucard responded, just a little creped out for the first time it his life  
  
At the local CVS (Which I don't own ether).  
  
Seras came to the cash register with piles of candy bags as herself. "How much?" Seras asked "accidentally" showing her fangs. Needless to say, the CVS employee was sacred Shitless. "IT"S FREE! JUST DON'T HURT ME!!!!" the poor CVS employee screamed. "Hey, thanks! Oh, does that include that the truck too?" Seras asked innocently. "YES, PELASE, DON'T HURT MEEEEE!!!" So Seras took the many, many bags of candy, took the keys for the truck from the cowering employee and left. It was a few minutes after Seras had left; the CVS employee remembered something... "Wait a minute. its Halloween..THE FANGS WORE FAKE! THEY HAD TO BE!" So the employee who we will now call Bob was chasing (sp?) after the truck Seras had "borrowed". "GET BACK HERE YOU THEF!!!" Bob shouted. Seras simply giggled evilly as she drove back to the Hellsing Manner; Bob right at her tails.  
  
A/N- Well, it's a chapter of yet another crappy ass story. I hope it will get better.I hope. Please review. I know it's bad, but please? Preview- Alucard deals with the children, and gets a bruised shin. Integral goes crazy, Bob is still chasing Seras, and Seras is the only sane one here! And Finally, Walter and Father Anderson make an appearance! YAY! And we finally learn why you should never remind Integral that its Halloween. Bye nyo! 


	2. Relesh the Hounds!

A/N- I'm back with chappie 2! I hope you're liking this story. If you are, I might keep the story up! ^.^ nyo! Please R&R! Walter makes his grand entrance! So does Father Anderson! Enjoy, nyo!  
  
A Hellsing Halloween: The stolen truck, A.K.A Never give Integral candy!  
  
"Home sweet home." Walter said to himself as he walked inside the Hellsing compound. He waved to a guard as he walked into the manner, were he met the scream of Integral. "WERE THE HELL IS VICTORIA??!!" "I don't know were the police girl went off to, all I know is she went to get candy for the coming brats. You're orders, master" Walter sighed. Someone had reminded Integral that it was Halloween. Oh joy, this was going be hell.  
  
"Hello Sir Integral, Alucard. How have you two been this past week?" Walter asked, hoping he was wrong, and no one reminded her. "Hello Walter, how was the Bahamas?" Integral asked "They wore good, thank you for asking." Walter replied. Good maybe no one reminded her. "Walter I need you to get the Halloween decorations for the front yard out and displayed ASAP." "Yes, Sir." Damn, some asshole did remind her. It was right then and there Walter had one thought and one thought only, 'I wish I was back at the Bahamas. Far, far away.'  
  
In the "borrowed" CVS truck..  
  
Seras had gone to, at least, 10 different CVSs, and had a truckload of "free" candy. Everything was fine, nothing was wrong.well except for the fact that at least 100 CVS employees running after said truck yelling things like "PAY UP!!" and "GET BACK HERE YOU THIEF!!" and other things of that nature. Seras only giggled as she entered the Hellsing Manner. That is when she saw Walter, dragging a vary heavy bag, and Integral dragging a vary reluctant Alucard with her. "Hi Sir! I got the candy! A truckload! For 'free'!" Seras said "Good work, Victoria. Now, put them it to the bowls in the main hallway." Integral said. "Yes, Sir. Oh and Sir, I have a problem." "What is it, Victoria?" "Well the thing is I have like, 100 or so CVS employees chasing me. Can you please get rid of them so I can put the candy in the bowls?" "..fine." Seras gave her thinks and began to unload the many bags of candy. With the help of the Hellsing solders like Ferguson (sp?). "I didn't think the police girl had it in her. to steal the candy. there's hope for her yet!" Alucard said to himself  
  
"Alucard..GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!" Integral yelled. "What?" Alucard asked. "Seeing how the brats haven't come.yet, you and Walter will be putting up the decorations, and don't you worry, you still have candy duty." Integral said. "Why can't you do it? Or the police girl? She got the candy. Why me?" Alucard asked like a winy girl who can't get a vary pretty doll an display at a window. "Alucard shut up you sound like a winy girl who can't get a vary pretty doll at display in a window" Integral stated. At that comment, Alucard shuted up and went to help Walter put up the Halloween decorations.  
  
Deep in a alley on main street, Father Anderson was plotting on how to kill Alucard, again. "How can I kill that Alucard? I know! I'll drive a stake into him! That's what I'll do!" With this newly formed plan, Father Anderson went down to the nearest 'Best ways to kill a vampire when there is one that gets on you're nerves' R' US store.  
  
Integral was standing vary still, waiting for the 100 CVS employees. Walter was standing with her with a megaphone. "And there they are." Now our Integral wasn't sacred. Oh no, she has a trick up her sleeve. "May I help you?" she asked the employees. "Yeah! Pay for the candy you're friend stole!" Everyone nodded in agreement. Integral turned around and whispered something to Walter who nodded. Then she walked away. Thinking they won, the employees started cheering. But Walter shouted something though his megaphone. Something that made all the employees run.  
  
"RELESH THE HOUNDS!!!"  
  
A/N- I'm sorry if I disappointed you with this chappie, but I try. R&R if you please! Preview Integral eats a candy and becomes sugar high! Father Anderson comes to help decorate! See you some other time! Bye nyo! 


	3. The Bob's tastey

A/N- Hi! Incase you haven't caught on, No this story is NOT, under any circumstance, suppose to have any sense at ALL! This is just to MAKE YOU at least giggle. It's not supposed to be serious. It's supposed to be funny, damn it! And yes, I do know they are OOC, and yes, I do know they don't celebrate Halloween in England. But that makes it a little interesting.  
  
And no, I don't own Hellsing. You have to talk to Gonzo about that.  
  
A Hellsing Halloween Ch 3  
  
You do know they had dogs right? Not the prissy Pomeranians you see in the rich houses. These dogs wore 6 feet in length, 5 feet width and vary, vary hungry. As soon as Walter said "RELESH THE HOUNDS!" those huge dogs came charging.right at the CVS employees. We'll get back to there fate in a moment.  
  
Anderson had ran from the 'Best ways to kill a Vampire when there is one that gets on you're nerves' R' US store to the Hellsing Manner. Which was roughly 1 mile. He walked passed the el humongo el dogso (My Spanish teacher would have my head if she read that.) who. let's just say, they're having a filling lunch, walked past the guards, who wore stunned the dogs hadn't attacked him and went right up to Alucard.  
  
"I Will SMITE You!" Anderson yelled loud enough for the entire city to here. "Finally!" Alucard said in relief, "Something to do that isn't Halloween related!" He finished while taking out his Jackals out of there holsters. "Right! You're going to die once and for all you damn vampire scum!" Anderson yelled while also taking out the stake he bought for a whopping $5.86, at the 'Best ways to kill a Vampire when there is one that gets on you're nerves' R' US' store. "Ha! You think that can kill me, well you're-" Alucard was going to finish, when several rounds of gunfire going to the air. "YOU WILL NOT KILL EACH OUTER UNTIL HALLOWEEN IS OVER! GOT ME!?" Integral yelled. "ALUCARD GET BACK TO WORK!" "B-But master." "NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!" "Fine." "You can kill him tomorrow." Than Anderson decided to enter the conversation. "How pathetic, a vampire doing a humans work." Integral then turned around slowly. "For that comment, you're going to help him." "And if I refuse?" "You'll have a bullet so far up you're ass, surgery won't help you." That day Anderson figured out the fury that is Integral. And was told that ghosts should never be put with pumpkins.  
  
Meanwhile, with the huge-ass dogs. The CVS employees wore being eaten alive. In fact, if you lessened close enough, you can hear limbs being torn off of bodies. "NO! I CAN'T DIE YET!!! I HAVE YET TO ACTIVATE THE RIDICULOUSLY SLOW MACHINE!!" shouted Bob. So, with the last of his strength.and limbs. Bob turned on the Ridiculously Slow Machine. As soon as that happened, Bob was no more. The dogs came and gobbled him up. Just like a burger. No really, like a burger. The dog, somehow, took two pieces of hamburger bread, put Bob inside, a little bit of cheese, some ketchup and ate him. According to the dog he was vary tasty. In the end, out of 100 employees, only 30 survived. "All right you damn dogs get back get back in you're cages" Integral said as the dogs did indeed go back to there cages.  
  
"Woof, woof woof woof grrr" "Woof, woofwoofwoof, aroooo aro woof.  
(Translation: "You know that Sara girl was awful." "You should've tried the Bob. Little cheese, some ketchup. VARY tasty.")  
  
Now, because Bob was stupid enough to turn on the Ridiculously Slow Machine, he died a slow and painful death. If he HADDN'T his death would have been, quick and painless. In fact, he wouldn't have noticed anything. Oh well. You win some, you lose some. Integral then walked over the R.S.M. (Ridiculously Slow Machine) and turned it off. "Stupid idiot." she murmured under her breath.  
  
In the Manner.  
  
Seras was sitting in front of at least 1,542 bowls of candy. "That's the last of them." That's when she herd screams and limbs being torn off. 'Don't go out there. She's just going to make you remove the remands.' Seras thought. Right then and there, Integral came in. "Victoria, go outside and pick up the remands. There an eyesore." Seras sighed as she started towed the door. As soon as Seras had left, Integral picked up a piece of extremely surgery candy, only children could tolerate. "This can't be too harmful. I don't understand why I was never allowed to have one." Integral said to herself thoughtfully. She carefully put the candy in her mouth and chewed. Her eyes went wide, and a crazed smile appeared on her lips.  
  
Outside, Alucard and Father Anderson weren't agreeing on were to put the last ghost on the wall. "I think the ghost should go in that corner at a 45 degree angle, damn it." Father Anderson said. "Well, I think you're wrong, it will be too crowded" Alucard stated. "It should go over the cemetery." "Corner." "Cemetery." "CORNER!!!" "CEMETERY!!!" Walter, who was broad, and watching them had had enough. He found it entertaining in the beginning, but now it was reparative. "STOP IT NOW!!! GOD DAMN IT!! I'LL DECIDE! IT WILL GO THERE!!!!" Walter screamed as he pointed to a door. "That'll work" "Yeah sure, why not?" Walter was about to nail the ghost to the door, when Integral came out. in a full body. monkey-suite. "I'M A MONKEYYYY!" Integral screeched. "Oh my." Walter said about to have a heart attack. Alucard produced a camera from author space, and took as many pictures as he could. Father Anderson was about to do something unlike him. He was going to double over laughing. And Integral. was swinging from trees. She then jumped down from the trees and said "I GONNA DANCE LIKE A MONKEY!!!" She then proceeded to dance like a monkey. (A/N-If you've seen Invader Zim, the dance Gir does) "Walter do you have a video camera???!!!?" Alucard screamed.  
  
A/N- I'm sorry if I disappointed you. But at lest I got Integral into crazy hyper land! Please review! It will make a world of difference! Preview- The trick or treaters come! Let the shin kicking begin! (If I disappointed you it's because I've had writers block ~.~ gomen.) 


	4. Hell fun sized

A/N-I'm back with the 4th installment of A Hellsing Halloween! We see the little kids weeee! Anyway I don't own Hellsing! WEEEE! Go and read young one! NYYYYOOO!!!  
  
A Hellsing Halloween ch.4 The Basterds come  
  
Well, the decorations finally got put up, after much speciation on where to put the last ghost. The bowls wore filled to the brim with candy. And Integral.. well... to say the lest.. "YOU KNOW THE VOICES IN MY HEAD SAID THAT YOU A BAD MAN AND COFFEE GOOD!" Integral had said, while hanging upside down on the ceiling fan, pointing to a ..plant. "YOU A BAD MAN! YOU NOT RESPOND TO INTEGRAL! YO FOO'!" "Great.. now master is talking in 3rd person what?" Alucard asked "The way she's talking?" Father Anderson replied. "You know..I don't like it when we agree.." Alucard said. "Likewise.." Father Anderson said.  
  
Seras then walked in with drinks for everyone. "Here Father Anderson, you're coffee, Master, type A as always, Walter, you're tea." Seras then handed everyone there drinks. "Um..Sir.. you're tea.. with the extra sugar as requested.." Seras carefully handed her the cup. Integral on the other hand snatched the cup, and downed it in gulp. "WWWWWEEEEEEEEE! SUGARSUGARSUGARSUGARSUGAR!!!!!!!!" Integral yelled as she ran to the other side of the manner. That is when the doorbell rang. "Well there here, who has candy duty?" Walter asked. Everyone steeped aside and pointed to Alucard. "He does!" everyone said. Alucard glared at everyone "Damn you all to HELL!" Alucard yelled. "Now Alucard, just do you're job and take this." Walter said while giving Alucard a clipboard with a blank sheet of paper. "What do I need that for?" "With us, we tally how many kids come." "Why?" "Don't know. Integral just one day said 'tally the kids' and that was that." "You mean her?" Alucard said pointing to the hyper Integral. "SEISSHIRO IS AN ASSWIPE!" "Who's 'Seisshiro'?" Seras asked "How the hell I'm I supposed to know?" Alucard said. Ding! Ding! "Would you go already!?" Walter shouted. "All right I'm goin'"  
  
Alucard had put a tally on the paper when he opened the door. It was a little boy. No older then ten actually. "Give me my damn candy!" the boy said. ".. Say trick or treat.." Alucard said. "Hell no!" the boy yelled. "Then no candy for you." "GIVE ME MY GODDAMN CANDY, YOU SON OF A BITCH!!" "Using God's name in vain, wow, another friend to add to my list of people to meet in hell.." "SO WHAT!!??" "Your mom.. isn't she the local prostitute here?" Alucard asked puzzled. "Yeah so?" the boy replied "Well, no wonder you're a brat." Alucard said smirking. What he got was a mighty kick to the shin. "OOOOWWWWIIIEEE!!!" Alucard yelled as the kid laughed at poor Alucard's misfortune. "You want the candy, well go get it!" Alucard yelled as he threw a Crunch bar out into oncoming traffic. "You BITCH!" the boy yelled. "First off, I'm a MAN, second, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!" That's right folks, Alucard lost his temper. With only one kid too! The child mealy humped and tried too get the candy. Since he couldn't get it, he flicked off Alucard and said "That's a lame costume anyway!"  
  
Alucard was about to bring out his Jackals when Seras came out and saw him pointing his Jackals to the kid. "MASTER! YOU CAN'T KILL SOMEONE! HE'S HUMAN!" Seras screamed trying with all her strength to lower the guns. Integral came out from the vent saying "Human, Suman, Tuman, Fuuman! AHHH its Mr. Police- Police!" Integral then began to run from Walter and Father Anderson. "Which way did she go?" Anderson said "...Why do you care?" Alucard asked in his lazy voice. "Because.." Anderson said trying to hide his irritation. "Because Sir Integral took his coffee, and said it was bad and called him 'Mr. Five O'clock shadow man'" Walter said for Anderson, who was starting to turn red from the memory. "And you Walter?" Seras asked "The same thing, except she called me "Old Geezer' so where did she go?" Walter said. The two vampires pointed up "That way." They said. "Oh okay." Walter said "Well, come on Anderson." "HI HO SILVER AWAY!!!" Anderson said. Then they heard another voice. "YOU'LL NEVER GET ME ALIVE! NEVER!" Integral yelled, obviously still on her sugar rush. "See? I told you saying that stupid line will show her whereabouts." said Walter.  
  
The door went "Ding Dong!" and Alucard sighed. He grappled a bowl and the tally sheet. But the minute he steeped out, he almost fainted. You might be asking 'Why would our favorite King of the undead faint?' Well I'll tell you. Because there was literary thousands and thousands of children in the front lawn. All of which wore chanting "GIVE US CANDY!" Alucard then formed a plan in that head of his. "I hope this works" Alucard said to himself as he replaced the bullets with the fun sized candies. Alucard then pointed his Jackals towed the sky and began to shoot upwards. The candy fell from the sky, after hovering for a good five minutes. It hit the kid's sensitive head hard. To add to the first kick to the shin Alucard had gotten from the prostitute's son, all the children had formed a line, and preceded to kick him in the shin. Over and over again. Poor guy..  
  
Only half of the kids had got there candy and there turn to kick Alucard in the shin, when... "Seras were out of candy!" Alucard yelled. "How is that possible?! I robbed plenty of CVS's to last a lifetime!" Seras replied. "NO YOU DIDN'T! I ATE IT ALL! IT WAS GOOD, MSOOD, AND SUGARY! WWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEE!" Integral said in her sugar highness, as Walter and Father Anderson chased her with butterfly nets to 'avenge there drinks'.  
  
"Well time to tell the brats to-" "Come back later" "Police girl, what do you mean 'Come back later'?" "What I mean is I'll go see if the Wal-mart up the street will give me candy 'for free' okay?" "Fine go Police girl. We seem to be the only sane ones here anyway." So Seras set out towed the Wal- mart. "Time to face the brats."  
  
"What do you mean 'Come back later'!?" one of the kids screamed. "Well..we are out of candy..." Alucard said in a thoughtful tone. At hearing that the thousand kids left began to attack Alucard's shin. This took a good hour. So in the end.. "My shin is bruised!" Alucard complained.  
  
A/N- Now I know I disappointed someone, somewhere over the rainbow. Well, Seras is going to steal from the local Wal-mart! Will Integral ever get off the sugar high? Eh who knows? Will Walter and Father Anderson ever 'avenge there drinks'? Will Father Anderson ever remember the reason he come there in the first place? Will we ever know the reason to never remind Integral it's Halloween? All this and more in the semi-conclusion of A Hellsing Halloween! 


	5. The WalMart Chainsaw Massacre

A/N- It's chapter 5 time! Yay!!! O.k. to the three or four of you still reading this, The Hellsing co. had encountered something bad. They ran out of candy. So, Seras went to get more from the local Wal-Mart. Oh no……. 

Loading: Disclaimer/I don't own Hellsing/ Gonzo dose/No own Wal-Mart.exe……. Loading Complete…….   

                        A Hellsing Halloween: The Wal-Mart Chainsaw Massacre   

            "I wonder how I'm going to steal candy from Wal-Mart……." Seras said to herself. She was driving to the local Wal-Mart in the stolen CVS truck. Mind you, on the CVS truck was spray pant over the 'CVS' part, and written hastily, was 'Wal-Mart'. 'I should have taken the time to wipe the blood off the truck…….' 'Correction, you _would _have, if Integral didn't take the soup and water and dump it over you're head, and say monkeys will rule the Earth one day. But, of course she was wearing that _stupid monkey suit will she was at it…….' Seras's conscience said. 'Oh yeah remind me to burn that thing when I get back.'   _

            Well, since we haven't seen Walter, Father Anderson, and Ms. Hyper Integral, let's see what they're up to now. "GET BACK HERE, NOW! MY COFFEE _WILL BE AVENGED!" Father Anderson yelled while chasing Integral with a butterfly net. Walter wasn't any happy with Integral either. "TEA! I WANT MY TEA!" Walter said as he was, also, chasing Integral with a butterfly net. "THOSE ARE BAD!! TRY SODA! OR SUGARY TEA!!! WWWWEEEEE!!!!" Integral screamed aloud. "GET DOWN FROM THAT TREE!" Walter yelled in both to avenge his tea, and to protect her from falling from the tree. 'Why, oh why is she on the top branch?' _

            Alucard, if you've been following the story, is……. currently being attacked by the mass of children. Because they only go up to his knee, the children are attacking his already bruised shin. "OWWWW! STOP IT YOU DAMN BRATS!" Alucard said. "KICK HIM HARDER!!" "MAKE HIM CRY!!!" "GIVE US CANDY!!!" The brats shouted. "I GODDAMNED TOLD YOU!!!! COME BACK LATER!!! WE'RE OUT!!!" Alucard said, but because they're brats, they didn't lesion.  No……. they just kicked harder……. Once again, poor guy…….

            Seras had made it to Wal-Mart and decided to do the same trick she did at CVS. So, she filled up two carts filled with candy. After that she went to the cash register to begin Operation: R.E.A.L.F.A.N.G. (A/N- Stands for absolutely NOTHING!). Unfortunately, Bill the Wal-Mart employee didn't buy it. "That's a really good costume! Anyway, you're total comes to $12,954.89" Seras was _shocked! Why hadn't it worked!? 'THINK OF SOMETHING!_ ANYTHING_!!!' Seras's mind screamed at her. "I……urrr…….ummm…… I think left my wallet in my car…….. can you wait here, please?" Seras said, nervous being the understatement of the year. _

Father Anderson and Walter wore army close (A/N I know I spelled that wrong……) "Alright Trainee…" Walter started to say, if he wasn't interrupted by Father Anderson. "Wait a minute! First from 'Mr. 5 O'clock Shadow Man' to 'Trainee'!? I demand justice!" Father Anderson said to Walter. "Will you SHUT THE HELL UP!!?? I have to explain Operation: S.H.A.I.A.A.O.D.!" Walter exclaimed making Father Anderson get the all mighty anime sweatdrop. "And that means…….?" "Obviously it means 'Stop Hyper Active Integral And Avenge Our Drinks'!" "Okay……." 

With Integral, she was getting acquainted with nature. Like, how the stars shined, how the wind bowled……. or how you're voice echoes when you're on a sugar high. She also found out how children get scared when they here a sugar high voice echoing, which surprisingly sounds like a serial killer on a killing rampage. "COME BACK KIDDIES! I'VE GOT CANDY!" Integral yelled to the running kids. "She's crazy man! CRAZY!" "RUN! SHE'S PROBABLY A SERIAL KILLER! SHE WANTS TO KILL US!" Two of the fifteen children yelled to the outers. "NOO! COME BACK! ANNA LONELY!" All of the children stopped and looked at her. "But there's only one of you there…….." "I KNOW! SHE'S IN MY HEAD!!" Integral replied "………AAAAAHHHHH! SHE REALLY IS CRAZY" all of the kids had said.  

Seras had walked back into Wal-Mart, with a burglar mask on. She walked up to Bill and said "THIS IS A STICK-UP! HAND OVER THE CANDY!" Seras said to Bill. "ALLRIGHT! JUST TAKE IT! AS MUCH AS YOU WANT!" Bill had said. Seras had taken the two carts of candy and ran. 'That was _too_ easy…….' Seras thought as she got into the poorly deceased CVS truck. 

Back at the Wal-Mart…….

"Wait a minute……. Wasn't she the girl who went to get her wallet?" Bill began to wonder for a minute. "AW HELL IT WAS! AND SHE STOLE FROM THE CVS'S TOO! I DON'T WANT TO HAVE THE SAME FATE AS MY BROTHER BOB!" Bill said as he began to hide under his cash register. That's when Mr. Boss Man we will name Sam came up to Bill. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, BILL!? WE WORE JUST ROBBED AND ALL YOU'RE DOING IS BEING A COWERD!" Sam yelled "B-But Sir……." "NO 'BUTS' BILL! BRING 100 OR SO PEOPLE WITH YOU AND GET THE THIEF OR YOU'RE FIRED!!" Bill sighed. It looked like he was going to get the same fate as Bob. He _really _didn't want the same fate as his brother. 'Of coarse' Bill thought, 'he wants us all to die. Damn boss…….' 

Later, in front of The Hellsing Manner……. 

            Alucard was sitting in front of the steps to the door, holding a bag of ice to his bruised shin, thinks to the bastards. 'Damn kids. They're trying to kill me. Ow, ow, ow, ow, OWWW!' Alucard thought as the scared Wal-Mart employees came to the front door. "Uuuummmm can we speck to a girl with blond hair and red eyes, please?" Bill said nervously. "How do you know she's here?" Alucard said, looking up from the ice pack that rested on his shin. "Well……. She had a poorly disguised truck…….." Bill said uncertainly. There wore murmurs of agreements around the group. "I……see……sort of." "And it's here……" said Amy, another employee from Wal-Mart. "Wait a minute." Alucard said as he limped into the manner. "POILCE GIRL! YOU"VE GOT SOME FRIENDS WHO WANT TO SEE YOU!" Alucard said into the halls. Of course he tried to ignore the scene of Integral being chased by Walter and Father Anderson with a battle cry of 'AVENGE THE DRINKS" and "OPERATION: S.H.A.I.A.A.O.D.!" Seras appeared in the front yard, nearly dodging Integral. "Can I help you?" Seras asked. "Y-yes, um well y-y-you d-didn't that is to say p-p-pay f-f-for th-th-the c-c-candy. C-c-can you p-pay p-please?" Bill said nervously. "Well, since you asked _nicely unlike the CVS people. I'll pay." Seras said as she pulled out a credit card. _

There was just one problem…….

There boss, Sam Bossman, had followed. 

And thought they wore going about it all wrong.

Damn boss…….

            "What the HELL is WRONG with you?! Don't show you're SCARED! Demand payment!" Sam yelled at his employees. "YO! BITCH! PAY UP OR I'MA SUE YO ASS GOOD!" Sam yelled at Seras. "So that's how you want to play!? Fine let's play!" Seras said to Sam and the employees. All of the Wal-Mart employees, mind you, wore on there knees, begging for mercy, and Sam Bossman had drawn Seras from zero to kill all mode in less than 2 minutes. "HEY GUARD GUY! RELISH THE HOUNDS AGAIN!" Seras said. Sam paled, the employees started screaming, and the guard said "I don't get paid enough for this……." Do I really need to say what happened? All that will be said is this is _all _Sam's fault…….  

But, of course, Alucard watched in amusement. 

In the court yard of the manner…….

Integral was pretending to be a butterfly. When, in the bushes, Father Anderson and Walter wore spotted. "Take this, you drink killer!" they shouted as they started to throw stones at Integral. One eventually connected with her head. Before she blacked out she said one thing……. "MOONSHINE!!" and fainted. 

Remember the masses of children demanding candy from Alucard? Well, they came back when they found out that he now has candy. "Here ya damn brats! Now never come back!" so the masses got there candy, and began to kick poor Alucard in the shin. In case you're wondering, no, he's not enjoying this. His already bruised shin was getting kicked to oblivion. Damn that's gotta hurt. But Alucard forgot to tally the amount of kids that came. "Oh SHIT!" Alucard said as he put a random number of tallies on the paper. 

Outside the humongous dogs wore enjoying a nice dinner thanks to a curtain boss. 

Woof, woof, woof, arf, arf. Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.

(Translation: That Sam was bitter. / They wore all afraid; all of them wore bitter) 

Seras had walked into the manner, about the same time Walter and Father Anderson came dragging a unconscious Integral with them. "Who would have thought that throwing pebbles at her would knock her out?" Father Anderson asked. "Who cares? We avenged our drinks!" Walter exclaimed. Then the door bell rang. "Damn there's _more?!" Alucard grumbled as he got the recently filled candy bowl. "Alucard, tally sheet?" Walter said as Alucard grumbled even more._

When he got outside he almost thanked God. _Almost_. That would give him a bad name. But nevertheless, Alucard was a happy camper. There was only one kid out there. And a little puny girl too. (A/N oohhhh he's going to get it now…….) "Hello mister. Trick or Treat" the little girl said softly. "Here stupid girl." Alucard said. That's when her anger boiled. "LESION YOU BASTERD! SO WHAT?! MY GROWTH STOPPED TOO EARLY AND I LOOK LIKE THE ELFS! WELL TAKE THIS!" Apparently the 'not-so-little' girl knew karate. And in the end, was completely covered in bruises. "Besides, I'm only doing this for the free candy……"  

At precisely 12:01 A.M. 

It was finally November 1st. They made it. They survived Halloween. At that point and time, Integral woke up. "What happened? I feel as if my head went into a blender set on high……." "Master, maybe this will jog you're memory." Alucard said to Integral. He than put the tape into a tape recorder that was conveniently placed there. "First, before you play that, two things; tally sheet." Integral said as Alucard gave her the tally sheet. She flipped though it giving some nods. "And why are you covered in bruises?" Integral asked. "The brats……." Alucard started "And a teenager who knew karate." Seras finished for Alucard. "Yeah that's it. Anyway time for a movie! Walter, get the popcorn!" "But Alucard, I thought vampires don't eat popcorn." Walter said. "I know, but this is a special event!" Alucard said too happily. "That's it. I'm going back to the Bahamas after this is done. 

After Integral's humiliation……. 

"I DID NOT dress like a monkey!" Integral exclaimed. "Well, Sir, with all respect the evidence was right there……" Seras said. 'Shut up Victoria. I didn't ask for you're opinion." Integral said. Father Anderson, who we haven't herd from in a while, asks something. "Dose anyone remember why I came here in the first place?" There was a weird silence in the room. "No one?" Everyone shook there heads. "I'll just leave then." And Father Anderson left stage right. 

"Walter, I need to get to the Queen and settle this bet" Integral said. "Wait, wait, WAIT! This was a bet!? I got attacked by kids no higher then my knee for a bet?!" Alucard was shocked, to say the least. "Yeah to say the least. I need to go." Integral said getting up. "Sir, you might want to change from that ballerina outfit." Seras said. "You're right."

With the Queen…….

"Ha! I win again Integral! HA HA HA HA!!!" The Queen said. "By _one!" Integral said. "Well a wins a win. Remember our deal. You have to dance like a monkey in a monkey suit to the Knights of the Round Table!" "…….Damn"_

In a café Father Anderson was drinking coffee when……

            "Now I remember why I went there in the first place!" 

A/N- It's done! This story has come to a close! I'm sorry if the ending seemed rushed. Please R&R! See ya later!                                                               


	6. The REAL ending!

A/N- HA! You thought the story was over didn't you! Well too bad! Because this is the REAL conclusion! 

Disclaimer: I don't own it. You don't have to rub it in… 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~                             A Hellsing Halloween: The REAL Conclusion! 

            It had been a week since Halloween, and things wore starting to go back to normal. Unfortunately, after the whole 'sugar high incident' Integral screamed until she couldn't anymore. So now she can't speak. But everything she wanted to say, appeared in words next to her. (A/N- Courtesy of Excel Saga!) 

            Alucard was still vary bruised up. He mostly stayed at his coffin. You can some times hear the words "I HATE OCTOBER 31ST! NEVER AGAIN!". But for the most part, no one saw much of the almighty King of the Undead. 

            Well, the police wore _finally_ after_ Seras. Why? Because the police finally looked at the surveillance tapes. The tapes of her stealing the candy wore enough to warrant her arrest. The charges wore Stealing candy from CVS, Wal-Mart, and a baby. The punishment: 10 hours of community service, and 100 dollars in fines. Of course, being Seras, she didn't plan on paying __any time soon. _

            Walter had filled in a vacation request to Integral. He was relaxing, this time, in Hawaii. He was having the time of his life. Sipping juice from coconut cups with the little umbrellas on them. Playing volleyball with the locals… he was having a great time! He was even turning a nice bronze color. He was _not looking forward to go back to work. "Hey! Walter, buddy! Wanna go surfing?" said a random surfer dude. "Sure! Let me get my board!" 'Integral would have my head if she knew what my hobby was…'_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            Integral walked to Alucard's coffin, and opened it and revealed a sleeping Alucard. 'Oh that's so sweet, he's sleeping. WELL TOO DAMN BAD!' appeared next to Integral. She then pulled out a frying pan from Author-Space and whacked him on the head. She didn't notice she hit a healing bruise. "OOOOOOWWWWW!!! WHAT WAS THAT FOR!!!!????" Alucard yelled 'We had a FREAK incident. I need you to go and clean it up.' Once again appeared next to Integral. "Well, I don't feel like it. And when are you going to talk? I mean seeing words next too you is scary, and so are you for a matter of fact!" 'One I don't care if you want to go take care of the FREAKS or not, you're going mister. Two, you don't look all that hurt, so _get up_.' "Well you try getting up bruised everywhere!" 

            After Father Anderson had realized _why in the first place _he went to the Hellsing Manner, he pulled out his stake and began to run back to the manner. He was half way there when he noticed something written on it. 

            "Ideal for Werewolves; _Do not use for vampires! Will have no effect!_" 

"AW DAMN I HAVE TO GET THIS REFUNDED!" So, Father Anderson ran all the way to 'Best ways to kill a Vampire when there's One that Gets on you're Nerves' R Us'. 

But, when he got there…

            "I'm sorry, we don't take refunds or exchanges." Beth the cashier said. "But I got the _wrong one! You __have too refund it!" Father Anderson exclaimed, practically begging. "I don't I _have _to do __anything! It's your own fault! You didn't check it! Now _leave!_"  Beth said rudely. Father Anderson was twitching like there was no tomorrow. "FINE! SEE IF I _EVER_ SHOP HERE AGAIN!" Father Anderson yelled as he stormed out of the store. _

            Father Anderson was steaming. In fact, there _was _steam coming out of his ears. He had a sourpuss face until he saw another store having a sale on vampire killing equipment. 

'Exorcist Depot is having there famous Vampire killing kit sale! 50% off all kits!' 

            "OHHHH! A sale!"

            Seras was back at work, after being caught by police, and telling the judge 'I stole because I'm insane!'. Obviously, they believed her…. and let her go. 'Damn jury is _so_ gullible! There're _so stupid!' Seras's mind had said "You said it!" Seras had said to her self. _

            She was walking around in her Hellsing uniform, looking for something to do. Then, literally, bumped into Integral. 'Watch where you're going Victoria.' appeared next Integral's head. "Sorry Sir. Ummm Sir?" 'What?' "How long is everything you say going to appear next to your head?" Integral only shrugged. 

            Seras watched her retreating form, and decided something. "Well, time to sneak into Sir Integral's room and burn the monkey suit. HEY! My boredom's cleared! Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy!" Seras said as she skipped merrily away.

            Alucard, who somehow got some type of strength, was walking around the manner. Well, limping is more like it. He was hungry and was going to the kitchen and get himself a type A blood packet. 'Damn kids, kids are more evil then hell. Kids are hell. Halloween is evil. Damn Halloween. THIS IS ALL THAT DAMN HOLIDAY'S FAULT!!' Alucard thought angrily. He ran into Seras, who was laughing evilly over the burning monkey suit. 

            "Police girl take it from me. _Never _remind my master it's Halloween. _Ever_!" Alucard said. "I know Master." Seras said looking up from the burned monkey suit. Suddenly, there was a black background behind Seras. "But, there are so many people who don't like it. They don't remember the joy of Halloween. As they lose it sheer pleasure of scaring little kids is a growing problem in our society." As Seras finished her speech, a shooting star appeared over her head with the words "The more you know" 

            "That's right, Police girl." Alucard started as the same black background came behind him. "But, when you have bratty kids kicking you in the shin, and a teenager who's growth stopped early beating you using karate, well no wonder the Halloween spirit is dieing" the same star appeared and "The more you know" came. 

            Then Integral came out and her voice back. The almighty black background came behind her. "But when you have a bet with the Queen of England, you eventually hate Halloween. Witch is why you must never bet with anyone unless that person sucks with bets." And el star-o appeared and "The more you know" el came-o.  

            Walter then came back from vacation. How? I don't know. "Sir you're voice came back!" Everyone just stared. "What? Is there something on my face?" "How did you get back here? Weren't you in Hawaii?" Integral asked. "I got bored." Walter asked. "I sense a plot hole!" Seras said in a sing-song voice. 

            Everyone stared at her. "What the _HELL_ do you mean 'plot hole'?" Alucard asked. Seras was going to answer him when… 

            Father Anderson came crashing from the window. "I will SMITE YOU! And this time I have the RIGHT stake!" Father Anderson. "Not now, Priest Boy. I'm still recovering." Alucard said. "But…" "I'll call you when I'm ready to kick your ass." Father Anderson only glared as he left. 

            It was a hour, and everyone was going about there business when…

            "THANKSGIVING IS IN 26 DAYS! AND I HAVE A BET WITH THE QUEEN ON THAT HOLIDAY TOO" and everyone ran away.

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            A/N- _Now it's over! I fouled all of you! HA! This is the real conclusion! R&R please!                                                 _

                                    


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